Aside from adding one more thing to the astounding to-do list I had, I knew in the back of my mind that I didn't want to do that. I have always been turned off by those things. And not just because I know several trainers who set them up by putting on their most unflattering workout bra, wiping off their make-up, finding some crappy lighting and slouching their way to a compelling case for cardio. A little spray tan, their favorite workout shorts, suck in the gut and, viola "this can be you in just 3 short weeks."
It's deplorable but it sells. You can tell how well it sells by the number of 'before and after' shots you'll get on your Facebook feed if you've ever clicked on a weight loss page. And, it is possible to tell a really great and meaningful story that way.
Here's my favorite 'before and after' image of all time:
If you've worked with me before you've seen the video. If you haven't seen it, you should. Everyone who has ever wondered if it was possible to meet a goal should. And if you've worked with me live you've probably watched me cry over it. It's not just the heart wrenching music. Or, the triumph. Or the pain he must have felt and having fitness professionals turn him away when he asked for help. What really gets me is the amazing transformation he was able to achieve because he kept on asking for that help until someone answered him.
Asking.
It is not easy. I was raised to believe that I could accomplish anything I set my mind to. Belief in that idea is an integral part of being able to pursue your passion. But somewhere along the line lots of people turn that powerful message into the feeling that they are required to accomplish those things on their own.
While independence and self-reliance are admirable qualities, the notion that you are somehow required to brave the world on your own for your efforts to be valuable is just absurd. Not that there aren't people who are successful going it alone. Or course there are. However, the issue i want to talk about here is avoiding asking for help when you need it.
Guilty.
Being in the fitness industry for over 20 years, any industry I'm sure, gives one an interesting perspective not just on the work but on themselves. I have put in my 10,000 hours and feel comfortable putting myself forward as an expert in many areas of physical fitness and wellness in general. Usually what that means is when someone asks a question, I know where to look for the answer. Or, I have experience with a client in a similar situation that I can draw on. This gives me confidence that I can help motivate and educate a wide variety of people as they work toward their fitness goals.
Recently, a busy 40ish-year-old mother of two came to me for help. Following a traumatic injury she had gained 30 pounds. Fit for most of her life and one of those people who quite enjoyed a good sweat and yes, even at the gym; when her surgeon and therapists gave her the green light to workout again she hit it with enthusiasm.
For a while.
Already carrying an extra 15 pounds left over from kid #2; months of steroids, pain-killers, bed rest, and the trauma of the surgery itself had left her with a body that neither looked anything like or operated anything like she was familiar with. While her doctors had been wonderful and tried to prepare her for the long road she had to travel back to her physical self, all of the exuberance she had been creating in the gym was washed away by the vision in the mirror of a body that no longer followed her commands or fit into her pants.
Weeks passed and she made it to the gym occasionally and tried to start running again but mostly she ate whatever she wanted, single handedly kept the local liquor store in business, and wallowed in a self-loathing pity party. Friends and family stepped up. Went on walks, emailed motivational quotes, asked if she knew how many calories she could cut if she gave up wine, and offered all other sorts of assistance. All received with a smile and a firm, "thanks but I've got this" response. And the needle on the scale kept creeping up.
In the back of her head a little voice kept saying, "You need help!" "Please, we feel like crap, get help!" And each time the little voice was shut out with one of the well-intentioned motivational quotes or a bottle of wine.
Now, you may be asking yourself "How does Erika know what that little voice inside the woman's head was saying?" It is true that being a personal trainer is a lot like being a hairdresser. We hear details of people's lives that they may not share with anyone else. But in this case, in case you haven't already figured it out, those voices were in my head.
As I write this I am still not sure I will have the guts to push 'publish'. I worry that as a fitness professional, specially one that tells people being physically fit is their duty to themselves, their families and their villages; admitting that I am 40 pounds overweight and not able to overcome the excuses I have been making is the most terrifying thing I have ever lived. And I have two boys.
Since most of my business is online and I have been speaking only a very limited schedule since the injury, as far as most of my clients know I am the poster child for how being fit can help you withstand and bounce back from things like childbirth and surgery. It is true that my level of fitness going into the surgery gave me a distinct advantage that it would be successful. And, if I hadn't been quite well before the injury things could be much much worse. However, in my head, because I am a professional fitness expert I should not be in the overweight, under nourished position in which I currently find myself.
Found myself.
Past tense. Because I realized that if, in fact, a person come to me and told me the story I just told you, I would have had the answer for her. It would have been easy. I would have said to her "You need help."
So when my dear friend said she had just come from an inspiring meeting of a weight loss support group she had recently joined, an action I have recommended to countless others in my position, I felt like someone had slapped me upside the head. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and jumped.
Could join her the next week? I asked. And she said "yes." That one word, her radiant smile and the giant bear hug that followed was the light at the end of the darkest tunnel.
So now, I am getting professional help.
That's right. At least once a week those voices saying "You know how to do this. What will people think if they know you can't control your own weight? Everyone will quit working with you. You'll lose all credibility. Just be disciplined. Just be stronger." will have to face a room full of people all traveling the same fitness road as I am. And a professional counselor who has worked with hundreds of people in just my same situation.
I already belong to a fantastic network of people who are committed to making wellness a daily priority in the Challenges I run for Taylored Fitness. I get to work out with a crew of passionate instructors at the fitness studio where I am a member. And now, i get to spend an hour every week remembering that i am not on this part of my fitness journey by myself. And so it is with them behind me that I'm ready to share my own 'before, after, before' photos:
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| My body and my dog, doing what we love. |
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| Just a few days post spine surgery. Surrounded by love. |
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| Me and the pants from photo number 1. The body I am learning to love again! |
Okay, there it is. Asked for help, identified the problem, getting to work. When the Gratitude Challenge starts tomorrow, I will have a clear goal in mind. Keep getting stronger and get into those pants so I can enjoy the gift my surgeon, therapists, family and friends gave back to me: my amazing body.
Wishing you wellness!
-Erika
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