Gratitude at all costs? NO. Thank you.  “Be grateful.” "I'm trying to be grateful." "I guess I should be grateful..." If I had a nickel for every time I hear or say those words, specially this time of year. Well, I'd have a lot of nickels.  Most of us, somewhere along the way, have been told that we are supposed to be happy and grateful for what we have: grateful for all the opportunities that life has presented us, grateful for our health, grateful for...everything. And I am not here to tell you that there aren't massive health benefits to recognizing our blessings and expressing gratitude for the same. You can read more about that here. But here's the rub. Many of us, in the quest to be grateful feel told to shy away from expressing our true emotions. It goes something like this: I feel sad. I’m not supposed to feel sad. There’s no reason to be sad. I’m not that kind of person. My life is great, I should be grateful. We judge, reason, analyze, and rationalize our feelings in an attempt to feel in control, yet we often forget that our feelings are there for a very good reason. When we allow ourselves to naturally express how we’re really feeling, a shift occurs and new feelings tend to show up. Eugene Gendlin, a former professor at the University of Chicago phrased this idea so eloquently in saying the following: “When a feeling is felt, it changes. Most people don’t know this. They think that by not permitting the feeling of their negative ways they make themselves good. On the contrary, that keeps these negative static, the same from year to year. A few moments of feeling it in your body allows it to change. If there is in you something bad or sick or unsound, let it inwardly be, and breathe. That’s the only way it can evolve and change into the form it needs.” A few moments of feeling anything but grateful in your body allows it to change. Imagine giving yourself time to feel whatever you’re really feeling. Imagine shelving the judgment, analysis, and rationalization for just a few moments. Here are a few techniques to help you release any sort of false gratitude and get closer to your true feelings: 1. Make a safe space. Most of us don’t express ourselves fully because we don’t feel safe doing so. Find a space in your life where you can fully express, whether it's in your car (one of my favorites) or at a close friend's place. Go somewhere where you feel totally comfortable being totally honest with yourself. 2. Find your crew. Think about someone in your life who you can always depend on to be your friend, even through difficult times. Ask this person if they would be willing to be with you as you express how you’re actually feeling. Once you get the yes, try out a simple sharing exercise. Set a timer for three minutes and say aloud, "I feel ________.” Don’t stop until the timer goes off, and let yourself share without a filter, even if the words don't make sense right away. 3. Talk to yourself.  Not in a 'people will wonder about you' way, but in a 'so you can know the answers' way. Try it on for size. Ask yourself what feelings are waiting to be expressed, and, without judgment (or with a little less judgment than usual), let yourself answer honestly. You might find yourself laughing, screaming, crying, yelling, grunting, or just staying silent. Embrace whatever comes. Practicing sitting with all the emotions we are capable of, not just the one that seems to get all the attention during the holiday season, is one of the best ways I know to survive and even thrive through all the seasons of our lives. Looking for more on how to have a healthy holiday season? Check out my favorite 4 Real-Life Ways to Have a Happy Healthy Holiday. And if you are looking for that ally, please don't hesitate to let me know. That is what i am here for! Gratefully, (most of the time) yours, Erika